To
the world you
might be one
person, but to
one person you
might be the
world.
-
Unknown
When I was six
years old, I saw
belly dancers on
TV and knew that
some day I would
be twirling and
dancing just
like them.
At that age I
didn’t know how
or why but my
soul knew my
life was forever
changed that
day.
Our belly
dancing
community has
been the world
that I choose to
grow, live and
learn from.
There are many
dancers who have
influenced my
dance career and
they will never
know it.
So this is for
all those
dancers who
don’t know. And
this article is
also my thoughts
and feelings
about our dance
community.
Never before
have there been
so many talented
dancers grouped
together in one
city. Not that I
can remember and
I have lived and
danced in other
dance
communities on
and off for
years. We
are special here
because we have
a blend of
styles, training
and philosophies
that somehow
work for us.
When I opened my
studio in
Corrales, New Mexico (just outside of Albuquerque) 3 years
ago I had hoped
to add to the
mix by helping belly dancers and
students feel
good about their
individuality.
It worked to a
point but after
a while my
sanctuary became
a place where
there was no
shelter from any
storms people
brought in.
After a while I
felt confined to
my studio and my
feeling of joy
gave way to
feeling like I
was imprisoned.
It was no ones
fault but my
own. I finally
realized that I
was not
responsible for
“fixing” people.
And that was
what I was doing
in my studio
becoming the
psychiatrist
instead of the
teacher.
So I lost
students because
they lost faith
in me as a
teacher. I on
the other hand
felt like a
failure because
my students were
disappointed in
me. It was a
vicious cycle
but a great
learning
experience.
Those students
and dancers gave
me a wonderful
lesson and one
that I believe
today makes me a
better teacher.
I needed to see
what I was not
giving them in
class. Let us
all remember
that there is
always something
to learn in this
dance even if
you have been at
it for a long
time. I
was so busy
“teaching” that
I wasn’t
“learning”.
My students
became my
teacher and to
all of you I say
“Thank You”.
Getting my joy
back was only
the half of it.
I did some
introspection
and realized
that the
sanctuary that I
was trying to
create for other
dancers was
really my own
sanctuary.
I than realized
that if I had to
have a
sanctuary, what
was it I was
trying to get
away from.
It became clear
to me that in
some ways I
didn’t feel safe
in our
community.
So what was my
responsibility
to standing up
to what made me
apprehensive?
That was a very
important
question.
Because if I was
apart of a
community that I
didn’t trust
than why was I
apart of that
community. As
I was searching
for this answer
something
amazing came my
way. It was a
bit of
philosophy that
helped me
realize that the
community that I
wanted to become
a part of had to
first be created
inside me. It is
with this
understanding
that I became
aware of the
unfairness that
I was passing on
to my dance
community and
friends.
It is not the
dance
communities or
my dance
friend’s
responsibility
to make me feel
better as a
dancer or
person. To
do this is to
always set
people up for
failure and
disappointment.
It was a relief
to find out that
I was actually
the cause of my
own
apprehension.
With this new
understanding I
am able to be
myself and allow
others to be
themselves.
The happiness
that I feel
inside is
because there is
no longer a
feeling of
separation from
my community. So
now I dance with
joy and
happiness
because I dance
in a community
that is
everything I
ever dreamed of
and it all
starts right
here within my
heart and soul.
Here is a quote
from Martha
Graham that I
would like to
share with you
all: “There
is a vitality, a
life force, a
quickening that
is translated
through you into
action, and
there is only
one of you in
all time, this
expression is
unique, and if
you block it, it
will never exist
through any
other medium;
and be lost. The
world will not
have it. It is
not your
business to
determine how
good it is, not
how it compares
with other
expression. It
is your business
to keep it yours
clearly and
directly, to
keep the channel
open. You do not
even have to
believe in
yourself or your
work. You have
to keep open and
aware directly
to the urges
that motivate
you. Keep the
channel open. No
artist is
pleased. There
is no
satisfaction
whatever at any
time. There is
on a queer,
divine
dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest
that keeps us
marching and
makes us more
alive than the
others.”
Many Blessings
Dance From Within and Create a Style of Your Own
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